Slavery, Pain & Power
I love the Papa Mali song Sugarland; it starts off with a haunting mix of drums and humming that evokes a sense of power and pain. It feels personal, yet draws deep angst from Southern slave culture. Slavery is not frivolous. It was real; it was American; and the depth of its tragedy is difficult to convey.
I have long known cotton and tobacco were slave crops, but looking into history associated with this song I learned sugar cane was as well:
Slave like conditions did not end with emancipation. The Imperial State Prison Farm (Sugarland, TX) used convict labor to harvest sugarcane from 1909 to at least 1928. |
The prison farm did not close (so some kind of chain gangs were in use) until 2011. You can read more about the history of slaves and sugarcane harvesting in a short history of Sugar Land,TX, a suburb of Houston. Quentin Tarantino understood this connection; he filmed parts of Django Unchained (2012) at Evergreen Plantation, a working sugarcane plantation in Louisiana (in the Mississippi Delta near New Orleans). Note that, perhaps as a play on Sugarland, he chose the ironic name of Candyland, for his fictional slave plantation in the movie.
Chain gangs weren’t the only, or even the worst, gut-wrenching wrongness perpetrated by hateful bigotry. The last recorded lynching in the US was in 1981. American Horror Story, Season 3, “Coven” is about witches. It uses the song Sugarland to help tap into the pain associated with 20th century lynchings. A significant plot thread pits the mostly-white, protagonist coven (Salem witches) against a black group of voodoo-powered witches. Sugarland is used as a theme song for the intimidating character Marie Laveau, a historical figure, who is portrayed by Angela Bassett as the mighty high priestess of voodoo magic. She turns out to be no pushover in the fight against white tyranny. Flashbacks show us where her past coincided with far too much of this type of pain. In the episode “Fearful Pranks Ensue” a young black boy is lynched by 3 white men after his first day at an integrated high school. Marie Laveau, with Sugarland resonating in the background, does a creditable job of enacting supernatural revenge. |
Mid-Life Crisis
For a song to really connect, it has to become personal. As a white male only partially aware of my white privilege, slavery is more historical than personal. Lyrics in the song bridge this gap; they connect the powerful mood it evokes to a crisis of personal identity:
[Click on a pic to listen to the song while you read through the lyrics for full effect]
[Bluesy guitar intro followed by drums and humming] [Papa Mali] Cast a shadow On my doorstep And I tell you Once again Well I will not Be forsaken To live In Sugarland There's been times When I was able But I would not Take a stand And my cards Are on the table In this place Called Sugarland [Big Chief Monk Boudreaux] Yeah, yeah, yeah Standing on the side of the road Trying to find… I'm searching for, a place to go (You see me) You see me standing on the highway (On the side of the highway) Don't ask me where I'm going Because I am not going your way (I'm not going that way) I'm searching, trying to find my way (Trying to find myself) So I'm standing at the end of the cross road Trying to find myself And, how could I tell you Because you don't really know See, I have to find myself, and I want to be alone You see me Standing Don't ask me where I'm going Because I am not going that way Because I am trying to find my place Where I'm supposed to be… [Papa Mali & Big Chief] When you wake me From my daydream Fill my eyes with burning sand and then tell me, of the story how to get To Sugarland… I seen saints I seen angels Reaching out Touch my hand But I will not Be forsaken To live and die in Sugarland To live and die in Sugarland To live and die in Sugarland | |
The first stanzas are haunting and mysterious, but when Big Chief kicks in, it clarifies into a search for meaning. Like many, my own mid-life crisis is largely one of identity. Who am I? Now that I have some idea of my scope and limitations, where should I go from here? Like Big Chief, I am not always cuddly and warm; I often rebuke well-intentioned efforts to aid my search.
Recently I have wondered if many people might have a similar crisis seeking identity as they enter adulthood. This seems likely. For some reason it wasn’t true for me, perhaps because I plugged into the educational system so well. I was like a heat-seeking missile entering my career path. Now, with less early seeking, I may be paying double.
Recently I have wondered if many people might have a similar crisis seeking identity as they enter adulthood. This seems likely. For some reason it wasn’t true for me, perhaps because I plugged into the educational system so well. I was like a heat-seeking missile entering my career path. Now, with less early seeking, I may be paying double.
Purpose
I remember the first time I heard the logical song. I was in 7th grade and I heard it in my Dad’s computer office. I was struck by the line on identity:
How can someone else tell you who you are? How can you not know? It’s a great song, but the identity issue helped it stick with me. I think I have more insight into those questions some 40 years later, but not necessarily any answers. |
I am unemployed, but not unemployable. ?? Would you stay in your job if you didn’t need the money? I would’ve in both my last two, but various circumstances conspired against me, so I couldn’t. In both cases, I felt part of something bigger. Something bigger that I believed in. Neither was perfect, and they both were quite stressful. The need to survive is a cruel and painful master, but it does a credible job of providing purpose. Eating and staying warm - providing for your family - these are powerful motivators. Without them, I am finding that I need to feel useful as a part of something bigger.
But, I am difficult. I prefer to keep my eyes wide open, and don’t want to pretend to make a difference. Neither am I willing to kill myself pursuing near-impossible, Quixotic feats. In other words, I am in danger of being swallowed up by the black hole of Goldilocks’ indecision. I am not psychologically ready to retire, but I can financially with my wife’s support. Right now, I don’t plan to become employed again until I find a job/profession that is important enough - utilizes me well enough. One possible solution - a scary solution - is as a writer. A big part of why I’ve started blogging is to hone my writing skills.
It’s not the only reason, though. In elementary and secondary schools, I was hard pressed to write even the minimum expected of me. I didn’t have a lot to say. That has slowly changed. As I have been forced to write in various forms throughout my career, I have come to understand writing as an important way to force yourself to formalize and deepen your thinking. So, writing blog posts related to my search for purpose is also a useful way to help me actually search.
It’s not the only reason, though. In elementary and secondary schools, I was hard pressed to write even the minimum expected of me. I didn’t have a lot to say. That has slowly changed. As I have been forced to write in various forms throughout my career, I have come to understand writing as an important way to force yourself to formalize and deepen your thinking. So, writing blog posts related to my search for purpose is also a useful way to help me actually search.